Showing grace to the odious

Polite disdain

Dear friends,

We find ourselves in constant service to others all the time. Our spouses, children, friends, bosses, brothers, sisters, friends, colleagues, customers, passersby, lovers, acquaintances, boyfriends, girlfriends, random strangers we encounter fleetingly on the streets…

We have duties, obligations and expectations to help or assist these people. But we do not necessarily love all of them. Not all servitude is joy.

Thesis: serving those we love

Earlier this week, I had a microsoft teams call with a guy who was not only an absolute cutie, but a charming, eloquent and incredibly competent gentleman. He knew more than me, his problem-solving abilities put mine to shame. I would faint in his arms, I would seek out his counsel, I want to see him succeed professionally, root for him…

Of course, what I experienced wasn’t real love. It was just a simulacra, a poor facsimile, of love. But you get my point: It’s easy to fall in love with someone who’s already lovable… and it feels good to serve them. The gratification derived from tending to their needs is undeniable.

God of my joy and my need.

In Karl Rahner’s ‘Encounters with Silence’, he writes 79 pages of love letters to God. Rahner loves God so much that his devotion blends seamlessly with everything he does: “there is no distinction between what I do out of duty and what I do out of love”. His yearning for God is romantic and idealised, a yearning that transcends earthly bounds.

You are my God, the God of my beginning and end, God of my joy and my need, God of my life?

You are the eternal mystery of my life.

You would belong to me, instead of I to you.

Karl Rahner, Encounters with Silence

Washing feet.

We know that Jesus is lovable… he washed the feet of his disciples even though he is supposed to be their almighty ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord’. There is a meekness and gentleness to him. But being meek and gentle did not stop him from flipping tables at the temple when he found out that it had been turned into a flea market. Jesus is a disciplinarian too.

Just as Mary Magdalene washed Jesus’ feet and used her long hair to dry them later, showing love to someone with the countenance of Jesus feels natural, instinctive and innate.

Noli me tangere by Titian, 1514

Antithesis: serving those we'd rather **** upon

Sometimes, we find ourselves in positions where we have to do things for people who are just… plainly odious. Imbeciles of the highest order. Are we just meant to serve them?!? Serving in the biblical context embodies the act of giving, an expression of love. “Submit yourselves to God” James says. Love necessitates submission. Eew.

Ironically, the concept of ‘submission’ only morphs into a contentious “discourse” when there is an absence of love, when one’s faith is being tested. When James wrote his letter to the scattered tribes, he exhorted them to submit to God, because they were losing faith. James threatens: “one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

In social media, people who bandy the term ‘submission’ around are the ones who usually have difficulty inspiring people to fall in love with them. In a bond between two humans bound by love, the word submission would not even enter the vernacular. To utter the phrase "you must submit to me" is to instantly reduce oneself to a pitiful objectifier, for it burdens the subject—the one expected to acquiesce—with the burden of effort, who may have to feign affection and respect to fulfil your demands. Lame.

Synthesis: polite disdain

What if we have to serve those whom we do not ‘love’? That is the subject of Peter, as well as many other books in the Bible, and perhaps much of Christianity. Wives who don’t love their husbands, husbands who don’t love God, subordinates who hate their bosses, children disobedient to their parents, brothers who despise their wayward counterparts, citizens under the mercy of inept Kings and politicians. What do we do then? Do we blindly serve and obey those who have authority upon us, even if they are odious and incompetent?

We serve God, not monkeys.

Everything we do, everything we toil for, is ultimately for the love of God. Not our earthly masters. Our earthly masters may tell us what to do, and give us orders — but God watches over all of us, taking notes in his divine ledger. Every interaction with a fellow human being on earth is not a simple dyadic two-way interaction. God mediates it, behind the scenes.

In the book of Luke, Jesus found himself in the home of Mary and Martha. Martha succumbed to her frustrations caused by the preparations required to receiver her guests. Jesus tells her that “only one” thing is needed — to sit at the Lord’s feet and listen to what he has to say.

"Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

We suffer for what’s right.

Servitude to a master can be good, actually. Because they are competent, because they’re a good leader. Doing good work for them, and serving them, becomes indistinguishable from carrying out God’s work. But what if not?

We must still do what’s right. We are saved by God and doing what’s right in His eyes, not by doing what’s right in another monkey’s eyes. You won’t be saved if you blindly obey without doing what’s right. For “we must still do what’s right and not give in to fear” Peter says.

We show grace and politeness.

Taleb once wrote that greatness begins when one replaces hatred with polite disdain. This is pertinent to people both in positions of authority and the clutches of servitude. Sometimes, you have to manage a difficult underling. Other times, you have to answer to a monkey-boss. Instead of succumbing to the allure of gracelessness, and inflicting pain and grief upon these souls, a far superior course of action would be to nod perfunctorily, then waive them off. Peasant!

Frans Hals, Laughing Cavalier, 1624

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many. Mark 10:45

Take care.

Love,

Lola.